Karma
by Valenka
Summary: After Audrey's death Ressler is having a tough time but he hides it. The only person to still see it is Red who decided to help him.
1. Chapter 1

Audrey had been dead about a week and to be honest Donald Ressler was beginning to fall apart. He was good at hiding it, really good and so far none of his colleagues had figured him out...not even Keen. He was thankful for that. Donald sat alone in his little apartment drinking the last beer in the place and staring at the head box Reddington had sent him, he remembered what he had told his former best friend.

My greatest enemy brought her back and my best friend took her away.

Ressler hated to admit it but maybe Reddington wasn't as evil as he had been lead to believe. He seemed to be the only one who had any real idea about how he felt and that head was the only piece of comfort he had. Donald knew he needed to get rid of it, bury it, hand it in at work Ressler didn't know. All he knew was that Audrey was gone and his last beer was getting warm.

There was a knock at the door Donald didn't ask who it was and to be honest he didn't much care, he wanted to be alone. The knock came again but still Ressler didn't speak, he just took another sip of now room temperature beer. There was a few seconds of metallic rustling and then the door swung open revealing Reddington in another perfect black suit and matching hat. He didn't know why Red needed so many hats, maybe it was a fetish. Donald couldn't bring himself to be pissed at seeing Red enter his apartment, he was surprised that he hadn't shown up sooner.

"Hello Donny." Red took of his hat and set it down on the coffee table as he sat on the couch adjacent to Donald's armchair.

"Reddington." He almost growled. "What do you want?"

"Well I can see that you are having a tough time so I thought I would bring you this."

Donald hadn't noticed until Red raised his arm that he was carrying a large bottle of Bourbon. Ressler didn't say anything he just stood and wandered over to his cabinet and retrieved two glasses. When he came back Reddington had already opened the bottle, he took the offered glass and poured some then set the bottle down for Ressler to do the same.

"How are you feeling Donny?" Red asked in a soft voice.

"I'm fine...and stop calling me Donny." Ressler snapped.

"No, I like you as a Donny, its fitting and I know you are not alright. I mean why is that still here?" Red gestured to the head box. Ressler remained silent, he didn't know what to say.

"Its not healthy to keep that Donny. I sent it to prove to you that he was gone, that he got what he deserved but you can't hold on to it. Donny you can never move on if you do."

Ressler hated that Red's words made sense.

"Maybe I don't want to move on." He took a sip, well more of a gulp of Bourbon.

"You have to. No one can live in the past, believe me for a while I tried. No good will come of it."

Why did he have to sound so rational?

"And what good will come of living in the now? Hmm?" He finished the Bourbon and poured another. Red just smiled.

"We won't know that until it shows itself. The only thing to do is pick yourself up and dust off. Like you did when you were following me."

"Well I failed at that too didn't I? I wasn't good enough to catch you, I wasn't good enough to save Audrey, to avenge her..." He cut himself off. Red shuffled forwards on the couch and set his half finished glass down.

"That's the real problem isn't it Donny? You've accepted she's gone. The only reason that head is still here is because it makes you think that you're a failure. Well let me tell you something Donald." Red raised his voice a little. "You didn't catch me but nor did anyone else, I handed myself in. No one could have saved Audrey, it happened to quickly and I killed Mako Tanida because if you did you, _Donald Ressler_, would never be the same again. So grow up."

Ressler gripped his glass tighter and Red stood and made his way to the head box. He opened it revealing Tanida's head and shut it again quickly, the week of lying there was making the most horrific smell. He picked up the box and opened the apartment door showing Dembe standing outside reading a magazine.

"Dembe, would you please go and depose of this?" Dembe took the box.

"Of course, Raymond." He started to walk off down the hall.

"Oh and Dembe, I don't suggest opening it."

With that Red shut the door and returned to the old beat up couch. Neither spoke after that, they just sat and drank glass after glass of Bourbon, well Ressler did. Red was lucky go get three glasses of the amber liquid. By the time the bottle was empty Donald was well and truly drunk off his ass.

"You know your problem Reddington? You think you are better than everyone else."

On that note Red thought bed was probably the best place for Donald, he needed to sleep it off. It was surprisingly easy to coax Donald to his bedroom where he made the FBI Agent sit. Red knelt down and removed Donald's shoes and then lifted his feet to lay him flat and cover him over with the duvet.

"Fuck me."

Red froze not really sure what was going on or how to react. He took a deep breath and asked.

"What?"

"Fuck me, you've been doing it for years anyway."

Then Red understood. There were so many definitions of the work 'fuck' and like most people he had jumped to one in particular.

"Donny I've not been fucking with you."

"Yes you have, you always have, you do it to everyone. Give them a line and make sure they follow until everything blows up in their fucking faces."

"I assure you that is not the case."

"Well I'm sick of it. You want to fuck with me now, you are going to have to do it properly." With that Donald grabbed Red by the neck and pressed their lips together, when he forced his tongue into the criminals mouth the Bourbon mixed in their mouths. Red pulled back.

"No Donald, no. You are drunk and I will not listen to you saying I raped you. It will just be another thing to say you failed at and I won't allow it." Red flipped of the nightstand lamp and left shutting the door behind him. Ressler couldn't speak couldn't move the intoxication wouldn't let him.

He lay there for what seemed like hours but in actuality it was only a few minuets, and then finally fell asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

It had been a few days since Red had turned down Ressler's offer and put him to bed, neither had seen each other or spoken. The Post Office's elevator opened with a loud metallic noise that echoed throughout the main room. Keen stood by the elevator, it was clear she was waiting for him.

"Lizzie, you're looking beautiful as always." Red leaned in and kissed her cheek. "Is that a new shampoo? It smells divine."

"Cut the crap, Red."

Red looked at her in mock shock.

"Well Lizzie I am shocked. Yet I do find myself with the need to ask, what have I supposedly done or not done this time?" There was a small smile worming its way onto Reddington's face.

Lizzie opened her mouth to speak but she was cut off by Assistant Directer Cooper calling down from his office.

"Keen! Get up here!" He demanded.

Lizzie gave the faintest of sighs and turned, making her way up the stairs without so much as a goodbye to Red. She knew he would find out what she was hiding, it was only a matter of time until he figured it out. Again alone, Red made his way to a large case board that was dotted with pictures, half of which wasn't actually relevant to their case. Red chuckled. Will they ever learn to focus on the important things? He supposed not.

"Can I talk to you?"

The somewhat awkward voice of Donald Ressler came from behind him, it was so unexpected that Red almost jumped hearing it. Red spun round and straightened his hat as if to look unsurprised.

"Hello Donny. It's awfully stuffy in here, don't you think?" If they were going to have that conversation it sure as hell wasn't going to be where any gossiping Agents could overhear. With out a response from Donald, Red walked over to the elevator and stepped inside. It took a few moments but Ressler followed as nonchalantly as possible, Red found that rather amusing. Neither spoke until the door closed and the elevator was moving.

"Red, about that night. I was drunk, I'm sorry what I said and thank you for y'know...not doing anything."

"Its alright Donny." Red picked a small piece of unknown fluff off his cream suit sleeve. "I know you didn't mean it." Reddington smiled.

Ressler's eyes trained on the floor. Red had never seen the man look so un-alpha male.

"I didn't say thank you for not sleeping with me. I said thank you for," His last words where so quiet Red had to strain to hear. "not sleeping with me while I was drunk and not at my best."

Red suddenly felt like the elevator stopped. Ressler continued with his eyes still locked on his own feet.

"I've been hiding it for so long, being drunk made me say it."

In that moment all the hatred Red had received from Ressler, all the sigh comments and Alpha male stand off's made sense. Ressler liked him and had hidden it. Of course he had hidden it, Donald was meant to be strong and dominant, a good man that saved the day. Developing a crush on The Concierge of Crime had probably gone against all Donald knew. Maybe he had scared himself with his sudden lust for the man. The door opened and the two men remembered they were in the Post Office's elevator. On the outside of the small metal box was Agent Navabi, she stood there looking at deadly silent men like they were hiding something, but soon decided it was probably the end of one of their fights.

"Hi guys." She said making her way round them. Red quickly located Dembe stood by yet another stolen car, he went to his friend. Ressler followed not knowing if Red hated him or just thought he was pathetic. Red stopped abruptly and pulled a pen from his suit pocket then grabbed Ressler's by the arm and opened his hand so he could write on his palm. The pen tickled Ressler's skin.

"Red..." Reddington cut Donald off.

"Eight o'clock."

With that Dembe opened the car door for Red and he disappeared inside. Dembe walked away leaving Ressler stood alone looking down at the address on his hand, the car drove away.

Donald had a decision to make.


	3. Chapter 3

The clock chimed out eight o'clock and not a moment later came a timid knock at the door to Red's latest 'borrowed' house. Dembe shut his book, a copy of The Castle Of Ontario that he had found lying about, and made his way to the large off white door, pulling it open. A micro smile pulled at his lips when his dark chocolate eyes met a rather nervous looking Donald Ressler.

"Mister Ressler." The bodyguard greeted, stepping aside and allowing the agent into the building.

"Hey." Ressler practically whispered.

Dembe led the blonde into the main room where Red sat, his head in a newspaper. Red didn't look up but Donald could hear the smile in his voice.

"Hello Donny, thank you Dembe that will be all. Go enjoy you night."

Dembe nodded and left without another word, Donny was beyond pleased that Dembe wasn't going to stay. He was scared, and for Donny being scared was...well, frightening. He had gotten himself into a little bit of a circle. Finally...finally Red set the newspaper down and couldn't help but smile when he saw Donny, his beautiful aqua eyes fixed on the floor. The agent normally looked like an Alpha-male but in that moment he could have passed for a scared little boy. Reddington found it rather refreshing to see Donny in well fitting jeans and a t-shirt, it made him look more relaxed. Red stood slowly like Ressler would startle and run never to be seen again.

"So you decided to come." It wasn't a question but Donald nodded. "Good."

Red moved a little closer, forcing Ressler to look up at the older man, who had a hungry smile decorating his perfectly shaved face. '_Why am I attracted to him?_' Ressler thought, the man was his enemy but in many ways Raymond Reddington had also become his saviour. Ressler didn't know what was meant to happen next, he had never been with a man before, not properly anyway. When he was in college he and his roommate, Dexter Hoppus, had experimented a little; kissing and a few blowjobs but that was as far as it went. After Dexter he hadn't really wanted to be with a man again, that was of course until he met Red. Reddington did something to him, even all those years ago when he was chasing the criminal, he had found Red's skill and intelligence attractive at first but soon Ressler had found himself thinking about other things. Once he had even debated if he had Hybristophilia, he decided he didn't.

Donald was pulled out of his thoughts by Red lacing his fingers in with Ressler's own, the touch was careful but sent sparks up his arm and down his spine. How could the older man make his body respond like that?

"Do you still want this, Donny?" Red asked, Ressler could hear that the criminal actuality cared and it made his heart warm yet he couldn't help the sudden flash of fear that hit him.

"Why? Don't you?"

"Oh Donny," He began with a chuckle. "I have been looking forward to this." Red could sense his fear. "No need to be scared, Donny. I won't bite...well, unless you want me to."

He brought his lips inches away from Ressler's own, so close he could feel the criminal's breath on his delicate pale skin.

"Do you want me to?"

Red the words where whispered so very close to his lips and Ressler shivered again.

"Yes."

That was all he had to say. Red pressed his lips to the younger man's, warm and inviting. It wasn't like kissing a woman but then again it was nothing like kissing Dexter either, no, this was a whole new experience and Donald loved it. Red took a step closer and dove one hand into Donny's blonde locks while the other found a home on his hip, pulling Ressler flush against the elder man. The kiss deepened when Red licked across Ressler's mouth begging entrance that was quickly granted. Reddington took control of the kiss, mapping out every inch of the blonde's mouth, it tasted like the bitter coffee he had forced down his throat a few hours earlier. Red tasted sweet but that wasn't because of something he ate, no, that was just him.

Before Donny knew what was happening Red started backing him down the hallway, never breaking the kiss, not even for a moment. It was time for Ressler's body to take over, pushing his mind to take a back seat. His hands moved up to Red's cheeks, helping to keep them close as the two men shuffled into the bedroom, the door slammed behind them. Once inside Ressler felt a spark of bravery shoot through his body and dropped to his knees, Red raised a shocked put pleased eyebrow and watched as the blonde began unbuckling his charcoal leather belt.

"I could get accustom to this." The criminal purred out.

"You better." Ressler's words surprised even himself at that, but they only added to his bravery.

The blonde smiled as he pulled open the older man's belt then tugged down his perfectly tailored pants and silk, ironically red, boxers in one smooth motion. Just the sight of Donny on his knees had Reddington half hard but it was when the Agent placed a soft kiss to the head he stiffened completely. Ressler hadn't given a blow-job since he was a teenager, but he remembered how to do it. The younger man took Red into his mouth and sucked painfully slowly, swirling his tongue around the tip. Red couldn't control himself, he plunged his hands into Donny's oh so soft hair and thrust deep into the younger man's mouth. He felt like he was in heaven with the young man's lips around his leaking cock, he really could gt used to that. Red didn't know when Donny had undone his own pants and had begun jerking himself off but he would not stand for that no matter how good Donny's mouth on him felt.

Without warning the older man pulled out of the warm pleasuring space that was Ressler's mouth and picked the blonde up only to throw him down on the bed. The sheets where deep blue silk that Red couldn't help but think they matched the blonde's eyes perfectly.

"I was enjoying that."

Donald teased, ripping his clothes off as quickly as he could, Reddington was glued to the scene. The Agent's firm body like a Greek statue made completely of marble, milk white skin wrapped around defined muscles. It didn't take long for Ressler to notice the other man staring at him and he smiled. The Agent had only one piece of clothes left; his black boxers. He had never seen Red so lost in his own thoughts and so crawled across the bed to Red where he started un-buttoning the silver-grey shirt. It was when he placed a kiss to Red's chest that the older man snapped back to the present. The blonde leaned back against the soft blue pillows as if an invitation for the criminal to please him. Red climbed onto the bed and over Donny taking the younger man's nipple into his mouth teasing the bud, running his tongue in a small circle, pulling little moans from his little FBI Agent.

"Like that?" He teased.

"Shut up and do it again."

Red burst out laughing and then kissed Donald full force pushing all the passion he could into it. The famed concierge of crime pushed his hand into the nightstand and pulled out a small bottle mid kiss.

"Well, well you're flexible." Ressler spoke teasingly between kisses. He didn't know why it had taken so long to admit what he felt for Red, but now he knew he would never deny it to himself again; he would enjoy it.

"You have no idea what..." Ressler suddenly cut Red off.

"I want you inside me."

"I've never seen you so demanding." _Or un-alpha male like_, he added in his head.

Red couldn't be more pleased of how in a few moments all the fear and self-loathing that his beautiful blonde Agent felt had washed away replaced by lust and bravery.

"Well, I've stopped pretending haven't I, Red?"

"Raymond." He kissed Donny's chest. "Call me Raymond."

Red...no Raymond continued his kissing, all the way down Donny's chest stopping just above the younger man's black boxers, he didn't ask if Ressler wanted him to continue he knew he did thanks to the tenting of the boxers. Red slipped his fingers over the band and slowly almost teasingly pulled them down, chucking the fabric off to somewhere over the other side of the bedroom. Without another word Red lubed up his fingers and began teasing Donny's entrance causing little moans from the younger man. Oh how he enjoyed those needy moans.

"I've...I've never..."

"Done this before?" Red supplied and Donny nodded. "I know, I can see it, and em..." He shifted his fingers "...I can feel it. Don't worry I'll take care of you, my little Donny."

That seemed to relax the young Agent both in mind and body, letting him get back to his physical teasing. It wasn't long before the gentle moans started again.

"Please!" Ressler suddenly begged.

Red obeyed and plunged a slippery finger further into his new lover, stretching, teasing his virgin hole. Another finger slipped in and the criminal crooked his fingers pulling yet another desperate moan out into the open. A third had Donny arching into his touch begging for more as he began forcing himself back onto the older man's fingers, eyes blown in lust and want.

"Please Raymond...I...need...please."

He couldn't think all he knew was he wanted the older man inside him. Raymond suddenly removed his fingers leaving Donald to mourn the loss, feeling empty.

"Shhh my little Agent, you will get what you want." Raymond assured placing another kiss on the blonde's pink lips.  
Donny's legs where quickly hauled up over Red's shoulders giving him better access to his lover. With a final kiss Raymond thrust inside to the hilt filling the blonde, who let out a gasp. With his body now in complete control Donny threw his arms up in the air and buried them in the criminal's too short hair. Raymond thrust again, harder like it was the was the last time they would be together, like everything that was happening was some kind of dream. Red tried not to dwell on that and enjoy himself, enjoy Donny's sweat coated body beneath him.

"Harder." Donny groaned as he pulled his bad-boy criminal down for another messy kiss.

Raymond knew he wouldn't last much longer and nor would his new lover if the panting was anything to go by. A few more thrusts and the blonde came, covering himself in sticky warm liquid. Donny's body tightened around Red, bordering on painful but pleasure rang out, pushing him over the edge. With a loud moan Reddington came filling his new lover.

"Oh God!" Donald yelled.

"Not quite, Donny but I appreciate the compliment."

"Bastard."

The two smiled, it had been a long time in the making but they had finally acted on that most primal of things. They stayed there for a while just in each other's arms, Donald had never really been one to cuddle he would do it for Audrey but he never fully enjoyed it but with the warmth of Raymond wrapped tightly around him he had to admit he liked it.

"So, what now?" Ressler felt the need to ask.

Reddington shifted onto his side where he could face the younger blonde man.

"What do you want to happen?"

"I don't know." He answered honestly.

"How about this? We go to sleep and then in the morning, we have breakfast and..."

"Play house?"

Donny cut him off with a teasing tone, he was surprised at himself with how well he was taking the whole situation. He didn't want to run away back to his bottle of Bourbon, no, Donny just wanted to be there in Red's arms. He had been through so much but maybe his 'greatest enemy' was meant to be something much, much more.

"Hard to 'play house' when I move so often. What I'm saying is we can go slow if that's what you need."

"Does this make you my boyfriend?"

It was strange, but having a boyfriend seemed right.

"No, twelve year old's have boyfriends...I'm your man."

Donald just laughed.


End file.
